driven by love
I want to be as honest in here as I can. I mean really. the good, the bad, and all of it. I'm hoping it will be helpful to someone, and that some may be able to be so with me, too. I'd like to be able to have more and more real conversations in my life, online, and even more, in person. Not that I don't already have that to some extent, but I want to extend it.
A few questions that have gone through my head lately: Is practicing joy like strengthening a muscle - the more you do it, the more capacity you have? Do we keep a memory of it (like any other emotion) and when we experience it again, it evokes all we have felt similarly before, making the current experience all the richer?
Another emotion/thought I've been aware of on and off: I'm not sure how to put this into words, but I feel so driven by love. I think this has been true for a long time, since childhood. It is what drives me towards ever greater growth and capacity and skill, and is why I feel so disappointed when I fall short of my dreams in this. I want to be able to love better. To express how utterly beautiful the living world is. But mostly to be able to love well. I long to be able to make skillful my clumsiness and grow brighter and more constant. I fear that my clumsiness and weakness will be taken for the strength of my care, when it is just inexperience and confusion in expression. I long to be happy in this life. For myself, but mostly so that I can love the world with all myself. It's like my deepest need is to be immersed in the beauty of life, and not for my own experience of it, but just so I can sing its praises. That's all I want. That's a lot to say - but does anyone else feel that?
That's all for now, Sandra
A few questions that have gone through my head lately: Is practicing joy like strengthening a muscle - the more you do it, the more capacity you have? Do we keep a memory of it (like any other emotion) and when we experience it again, it evokes all we have felt similarly before, making the current experience all the richer?
Another emotion/thought I've been aware of on and off: I'm not sure how to put this into words, but I feel so driven by love. I think this has been true for a long time, since childhood. It is what drives me towards ever greater growth and capacity and skill, and is why I feel so disappointed when I fall short of my dreams in this. I want to be able to love better. To express how utterly beautiful the living world is. But mostly to be able to love well. I long to be able to make skillful my clumsiness and grow brighter and more constant. I fear that my clumsiness and weakness will be taken for the strength of my care, when it is just inexperience and confusion in expression. I long to be happy in this life. For myself, but mostly so that I can love the world with all myself. It's like my deepest need is to be immersed in the beauty of life, and not for my own experience of it, but just so I can sing its praises. That's all I want. That's a lot to say - but does anyone else feel that?
That's all for now, Sandra
posted by Sandra at 1:45 PM
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